Payola: Starring Lindsay Lohan and Co.

On the surface it seems the starlet making her coincidental rounds here in NYC is just that- a coincidence. But a careful examination of the rounds she has actually made and who was there to take the pictures may just show another side of this young woman’s descent in the popularity stakes. If one could apply the term smoke and mirrors- then this dears is the time to pull out a frothy glass of last weeks left over champagne and ask yourself- ‘How is it that these unemployed actresses manage to retain viability in a dog eat world?’

The answer in short: Payola. Or as they say in polite society (assuming such things still exist in your neck of the woods)- ‘orchestrated photo ops,’ staring your vixen of choice, the photographer agent (in our pressing case we present you startrakphotos), the vendor who pays off the vixen (in Lindsay’s case this weekend it was Bowlmor Lanes- you remember them, a bowling alley somewhere in your imagination) and the publications that then turn around and pay Albert Ferrara and Michael Simons (who orchestrates these deals) of Startraks his much needed pot of honey for the exclusive rights for all these ‘coincidental photo ops.’ Of course this would never have come to pass if it hadn’t been for Stephanie Simon, Michael Simon’s sister who happens to be a talent agent closely aligned to the Lohan camp.

In short it’s a wonderful illusion and one of the best kept secrets amongst media folks who like to turn a blind eye to such illegal behavior (illegal in the sense that it’s not reported as a staged coup d’etat but as news despite a 2009 Fair Trade Acts ruling governing endorsements and testimonials which has outlawed such egregious behavior) and have you the dear reader choking on your daily helping of celebrity gossip and nonsense. But then again, who doesn’t mind a bit of nonsense with your daily crumpet and this morning’s healthy serving of Champagne…?

It’s a Friday afternoon and out of the decks of lets have fun and go bowling adventures arises the visage of Lindsay Lohan and her brood circa 3 pm. The event itself was widely reported by the news outlets whose business it is to keep you attuned to the ongoings of your favorite media whore. So whilst the outlets came and rushed to take their shiny pictures (at a heavily guarded distance mind you) the real pictures were being taken inside the lanes by Startrak photos- the sole exclusive photo agency who somehow managed to be sitting miraculously on the corner scoop just in time for Lilo to walk by, give Albert Ferrara a high five and whisper deliciously in his ear- ‘do you feel like making a quick quid on the house- then follow me.’ 

The truth of the matter is: nothing about these pictures was coincidental. Nothing. Zilch. It was fabricated. Planned before Lindsay even got on the plane from Los Angeles and touched down in NYC for what her family likes to call her ‘let’s come to NYC and relax kissing out the window sessions.” To think the actress (well to be correct we ought to call her a reality actress as opposed to a film actress- from know on I will re christen Lilo- ‘Real Lilo’) just decided to rock up for a private game of bowling (the session by the way only lasted 40 minutes- funny, last time I went bowling- it took me a day and a half just to put on the bowling shoes) and lo and behold the ‘right press’ just happened to be there waiting for her at a moments notice ready to snap her cheery life away. While the ‘other press’ (the ones without the co opted money deals) were kept at a furious distance. Ho- hum…

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